27 February 2006

fears

I'm pretty freaking scared to graduate and move and get a real job. Infact, the daunting task of looking for jobs in a city I've never lived in scares the crap out of me. But I have no desire to live in Kansas or Missouri. It's like sending out resumes and interviewing for jobs makes it real. And what if I make a horrible decision and hate the place I work? I've never been a quitter, so it would be hard to just quit after awhile. And what if I can't get a job at the places I like the most. I refuse to make bad architecture, so some place crappy isn't an option. And what if having a crummy first job screws up my career for the rest of my life and I can't ever get the dream job I want? Maybe these are irrational fears, but I never express them to anyone, except Don sometimes. I worry that by having such high expectations that I'm setting myself up for failure. I've never been denied something I've gone after. Every job I've had thus far has been one that I pursued, and I haven't ever applied for multiple jobs at a time. What if I don't really like being a small fish in a giant ocean, because all I've ever been before is a medium to large fish in a tiny pond. I'm not too fond of this uncertainty gig.

2 comments:

alexis said...

oh god, me either.

Dee Jay said...

A fortune cookie once told me: the risks you take now will only make the rewards much sweeter...